Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My pussy is not your playground.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
