Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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