this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
