Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
