why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
