I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
