Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
