im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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