Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
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I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
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Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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