i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
