My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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