Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i think i have herpe
just one?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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