Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Vodka?
Forever.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
