please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
