if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
