so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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