dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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