I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
