You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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