You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
