Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
