I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
