the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
