Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize