I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Couch. On fire.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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