Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
