Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
