Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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