i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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