so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
