if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
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So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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