she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
