Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Found the puke drawer
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
