I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
