haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
