Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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