We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
