You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
