You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
