I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
