Got a toothbrush?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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