One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
