I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
