U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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