So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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