You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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