just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
