I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
