she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
