I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
