she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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