if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
