shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
