physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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