I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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