but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
