It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Your topless pictures make me question reality
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
