I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
