i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
