I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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