Im at strip club and am horny
Girls should come with a carfax report
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
