D3 body, D1 cock
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize