At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
