I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
