I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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