can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
