You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
