at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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