i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
