I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
