drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i've created a new STD.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
