craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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